Time with mom

Caitlyn finished up school at the end of April.  She was anxious to go see grandma when she came home.  It was a tough visit for her.  Mom has gone downhill a lot since she saw her last. Losing grandma is breaking Caitlyn's heart. 

Mom doesn't talk much anymore, she talked to us a little, but not much. She was pretty tired and cried on and off.

Caitlyn brought her book so she could show grandma. 

Caitlyn felt like grandma enjoyed looking at the book and that made her happy.

Caitlyn was happy to see grandma and give her a hug. Mel and dad came over to so we had fun visiting with them.

Matt and Lori sent these flowers to mom for Mother's Day.

On May 8th Mel and I went to visit mom.  I wasn't planning on going that day, but I had the thought a few days before that I should go that day.  I drove over to Mel's and we drove over together.  We got there while mom was still at dinner and dad was there waiting for us.  He had just had a very hard conversation with Liz.  Mom has been leaning a lot and has a hard time standing straight or holding her head up straight so they have been concerned about her falling. Dad brought a walker over for mom and asked if that would work and Liz told him that they should talk.  She told him that mom is going downhill very fast and it's time for us to consider hospice.  It was pretty shocking to hear.  We got there right after dad talked to Liz so he told us about his conversation.  He was very emotional and we talked and cried for a while. We all hate the thought of losing mom, but watching her suffer seems just as bad if not worse.  It was another heartbreaking reality and I think the three of us thought that hospice meant mom would be gone very soon, maybe within weeks. I am so grateful that I felt prompted to go visit mom that day and that we were there for dad in that moment. Mel and I wanted some pictures with mom that day.  I love this one!  We had a really good visit with her that day and we got her to laugh a lot.  I love to make her laugh and see her smile!!

I called Matt on the way home and he helped answer my questions about hospice. I pulled off at the Orem temple because we were still talking and I just needed a good cry.  The temple parking lot was the perfect place to let out all of my emotions. After talking to Matt and the staff at Summit I have realized that hospice does not mean death is imminent, but they are assuming it will probably happen within six months.  Of course everyone is different and you never know what can happen, but based on mom's deterioration mentally and physically they feel like she is in the final stages of her disease.  We had a meeting with the staff to talk about starting hospice the next Monday.  Mel, Tiff and I were there with dad and Matt and Gary called in. We all agreed that was best for mom and they had her started on hospice in less than a week.  Now they will bring all her care to her and she won't have to go to doctors appointments anymore.  She also has more support with hospice coming in as well.

I was dreading Mother's Day this year.  I miss my mom so much and I don't want to celebrate Mother's Day without celebrating her.   I went to sacrament meeting and then I went to visit mom.  Dad came to visit too.  He read mom her Mother's Day card that he got her.  How did I get so lucky to have these two as parents?!?

I did a post about my mom on Mother's Day. I said, "Mother's Day is hard this year.  My mom is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's. It's such a cruel disease that breaks your heart over and over.  I will never be ready to live without my mom. I have wanted to ask her advice so many times over the past couple of years, but that hasn't been possible. When I brought Caitlyn home from the hospital I had no idea what I was doing, I called my mom and she came right over and helped me.  I feel so blessed to have her as a mother and as a grandma to my kids and I feel heartbroken that we don't get more time with her.  She gave so much to her kids and her grandkids and we are all better people for it.  I'm grateful I can still hug her and make her laugh. I will always be grateful that I learned how to be a mom from the very best." 

I was seriously blessed with the most amazing mom.  She was born to be a mother and it brought her so much joy.  I never felt like I was bothering her and I always knew she would be there for whatever I needed.  I wanted to be a mom because I saw how much joy motherhood brought my mom. I'm so grateful she got twenty-one grandchildren because she loves being a grandma.  She took an interest in each grandchild and made them feel like a million bucks every time they were around her. She went to every activity for every grandkid.  Her family is truly her greatest joy.  She put so much time and effort into building strong family bonds by bringing us together often and keeping us all updated on each other.  I think we are such a close family because of her.  She has given me so many wonderful gifts, but I think the best gift she has given me is a family that loves each other and is there for each other and genuinely enjoys being together.  I understand now how much work and effort it takes as a mother to bring the family together and create an environment that fosters unity and love.  Mom brought us all together and fed us and had games and activities planned that would help us have quality time together.  My family is exceptional in their love for each other and we have my mom to thank for that!

Gary came into town for a day so Mel and I picked him up at the airport and then went to visit mom. I think mom enjoys having her kids around her and listening to them visit.  I loved having time with Gary.  I spent the whole day and evening with him and it was great!

Mel and I went to visit mom and had a good visit with her. She talked more than she normally does. Mel was talking about Patty Labelle going on tour and we were laughing about how she was going on tour at 80-years-old.  Mom started moving her legs and said, "I better pep up." I asked her why and she said, "because Patty Labelle is coming." She started laughing while she said it.  It's almost like she knows it's not true but she thinks it might be true.  It was funny, we had fun laughing with her about that. 

 I showed mom a picture of Jonah and how he looks like a missionary with his new haircut.  She said, "I'm so proud of him."  That was special.  Last night while we were there we were talking about Wyatt and I was saying that he is a good kid and mom said, "He is a good kid and you need to remember that."  I love little moments like that, it feels like I have my mom back for a minute.