Memory Care

I found these pictures on Summit's Facebook page. 

I love this one so much. I'm so grateful mom had some fun times there.  This was at a Valentines activity. The staff genuinely loved mom.  I mean, how could you not love mom? 

This is Patty.  We have had lots of experience's with Patty.  Poor thing was always looking for her husband and was sure dad was him.  I love how mom is looking at her.  

Mom loved and participated in the activities while she was able.  She loved to have her nails painted and joined in on the painting and crafts. 

They did all sorts of fun activities like bowling and balloon volleyball.  They would do a lot of music activities where they would play music from when they were young and mom loved those.  She loved music and found a lot of comfort in it. I'm amazed at how well she remembered the words to songs. Oscar told us that he has so many fun memories with mom. He loved to make her laugh.  He would push the fart button to get her to laugh.  He told us that one day he was walking down the hall with mom and an aide was helping a resident get dressed and she fell out of his room into the hall and mom started laughing so hard and that made him laugh. Another time he said one of the residents pants fell down while he was walking with his walker and mom got a good laugh at that one.  It's so fun to hear those stories. They didn't get a chance to know the real mom, but even with this terrible disease she kept her fun, loving personality and was able to connect with people and bring them joy. 

Mom's last few days

Mom slept well through the night again.  I slept okay too, I was pretty tired so I was able to sleep.  Oscar brought me lunch on Thursday.  He is always so kind.  We all spent Thursday at mom's. It was nice to have time to visit with Gary.  I went home Thursday night to get some sleep. 

Caleb flew in late Thursday night.  

It was so great to have Caleb here.  He is so kind and brings a calming presence with him.

He showed us pictures and videos of his girls. I love seeing him so happy and raising such a beautiful, loving family.

Lindy came up too.  Grandpa appreciated the support.

Even in these hard times we were able to enjoy visiting together and reminiscing on all of the amazing memories we have together. 

Mom's breathing was very labored. It was hard to watch her struggle so much to breath. Scott assured us that she wasn't in pain. We made sure she had morphine every four hours and on Friday we increased it to every two hours. 

Caitlyn had a very hard time leaving on Friday.  I think we knew it was goodbye. We also didn't know for sure though because we were very surprised that she was still with us.

Caitlyn sobbed and didn't want to leave. I finally convinced her to leave a little before midnight.

I stayed the night again. Matt and Caleb debated on staying, but decided not to. They told me to let them know if her breathing changed.  I didn't sleep much that night. I couldn't fall asleep and I just kept looking at mom and listening to hear her breathing. Matt wanted updates so I texted him at 1:40 AM and told him that her breathing was the same. A little before 3 AM when the air kicked off I didn't hear mom breathing. I went over to her and it didn't seem like she was breathing. Matt had told me that she would probably stop breathing for periods of time. I texted Matt and told him that she was going without breaths. 

I called Matt right after and told him I didn't know if she was breathing anymore. I touched mom and she took one last gasp and then she was gone.  Matt was very calming and told me it was okay and he and Caleb were on their way.  I had been praying that mom would go so she wouldn't have to suffer anymore and then it happened and I panicked and wasn't ready to let her go. I will never be ready to live without my mom.  I need her, my kids need her.  I just sat there and cried.  I waited a few minutes to make sure she didn't start breathing again and then I went and got the aides and told them she was gone. Caleb and Matt walked in right after the aides. I was so grateful to have them there. The aides checked for a pulse and confirmed that mom was gone.

I had reached out to Sister Munns on Wednesday and let her know that I thought my mom would pass away soon. She was so kind and said that Jonah could call us or message, whatever we needed.  I sent Jonah a message when she passed and he was at his apartment for lunch so he was able to call me.

Caleb, Matt and I got to talk to Jonah while we waited for the mortuary. 

It was so good for me to be able to talk to him.  It was fun for him to say hi to Matt and Caleb too.

The mortuary got there around 5 AM.  This very nice young lady was handing everything and asked us to look over the paperwork and make sure everything was correct.  We saw the name Andrew on there and asked who that was and she told us that they contacted him because my dad didn't answer the phone.  She went on to tell us that Andrew was her son, we told her that we don't know an Andrew and she doesn't have a son named Andrew, she said, "he did seem confused." Yikes, that's a big mistake. They also had the wrong number for dad and also had her going to the wrong cemetery.  Bless their hearts, they were as nice as could be, but not very competent.  We waited outside mom's room while they transferred her and then they gave us a moment to say goodbye.  We walked out with them.

It was hard to see them take mom away.  At this point it was close to 6 AM.  I was starving.  I went and got us all some Jack in the Box and Matt and Caleb stopped and got drinks and we all went back to dad's.  Matt and I talked to dad for a while.  It was good to be together and talk.  Dad is amazing, he is heart broken AND at peace.  He is sad AND grateful.  I was exhausted and went home to try and get some sleep. Grief hit me so hard. I think I have been so focused on caring for mom and not wanting her to suffer that I wasn't ready for how hard to would be when she was actually gone. 

Tender Mercy

 

Wednesday night Gary got to mom's at 9:30 PM.  Mom hadn't eaten since Saturday and her breathing was changing.  Mel was going to go home earlier, but we wondered if this would be her last night so she stayed.

Gary and Ashley gave mom hugs and kisses and we caught them up on how the day had gone.

When Gary was talking to mom she opened her eyes, she hadn't opened her eyes much at all since Monday.

Not only did she open her eyes, but she seemed alert.

We gathered around her and she was looking up at us and seemed to be very aware.

It was a very special, sacred time.

It was so special to be all together and have mom aware that we were there.

I told Caitlyn to take some pictures of us while we were all gathered around her.

Mom was very focused on dad.

They had some beautiful moments where they were able to look into each others eyes.

I'm so grateful they got that time and that we were there to witness it. 

These two are the perfect example of a sacred union.  They love each other so much and have always showed the utmost love and respect towards each other. 

Dad told mom that she was going to be with Jesus soon.

We all cried a lot.

I sent this picture to Jonah and he responded, "Look at Grandpa's face. There could NEVER be peace like that found anywhere else but through Christ. There are so many or's in this world. You can be happy OR sad, hopeless OR hopeful, fearful or courageous. But isn't it incredible how Christ's atonement allows us to use the word AND?  We can be sad AND hopeful in the same singular thought, confused AND peaceful.  You're doing everything right mom! Feel those hard feels, And embrace the peace! Because I promise it's there and I'm so glad you can feel it."

Dad said this would be a good time to give mom a blessing.

Dad asked mom if she wanted a blessing. It seemed like she did and knowing mom we know she would.

Dad gave her a beautiful blessing.

He expressed what a wonderful wife, mother and grandmother she has been.

He told her that Heavenly Father was very proud of her and that she would be going home soon.

I'm sure it was very hard for dad to bless her to be released from this life, but he did it and it was very special.

After the blessing we all got a chance to hug her and talk to her.

We were all very emotional.

We were also very grateful that we had this opportunity to talk to her while she was alert.

I'm so glad Caitlyn was there that night. It was very good for her to be there.

She loves grandma so much and wanted to spend every minute she could with her.

I thanked my mom for making me want to be a mother. She loved it so much and I've always wanted to be a mom because of her.

I'm so grateful that I learned how to be a mom from the very best. I also told her to watch over Jonah for me.

Mom had some tears running down her check so Matt wiped them away.

I'm glad Ashley was there too.

We all got a chance to say what we wanted to mom and hug her and kiss her and say goodbye.  

I'm sure mom was exhausted after that.  It was after 11 PM when everyone finally left. Caitlyn put a rag on mom's head because she felt warm.

I spent the night there again. After that special night and all the goodbyes I really thought she would pass away.  She seemed ready to go, but she held on for a few more days.