Go Rest High On That Mountain

Chris' funeral was during our fall break.  Mel, Tiff and I had planned to be in Mexico with Matt.  Matt came up with a plan so we could do both.  We still flew into Mesa on Wednesday evening and then we all flew together to Dallas on Thursday and back to Phoenix on Saturday morning and then we went straight to Mexico.  Matt was so nice and took care of all of the flights, hotel and rental cars for us.  It was so nice of him and took a lot of stress off of me.  The flights from Phoenix to Dallas were so much cheaper than the flights from Salt Lake to Dallas, that ended up saving me a lot of money!

Deanna arranged a good rate at a hotel nearby so all of the family stayed there.  We ran into most of them in the lobby at some point.  Mom flew in Friday morning and Matt and I went and picked her up.  The funeral started at 4 PM so we were able to sleep in and get lunch before we went. 

I felt numb for the first couple of days after I heard about Chris, it didn't seem real and I just didn't feel anything for a while.  A couple of days later it hit me and I cried all day.  Julie was so sweet and talked to me that day and let me cry it out to her on the phone.  I wasn't sure how the funeral would go and if it would really sink in that he is gone.  Matt and I walked in together and Don and Pam were outside.  We talked to them for a minute and then we followed Pam in the door.  We realized when we got in there that we were in the family room and they were getting ready to walk out into the chapel.  We felt a little out of place, but Ron and Diane were in there too, so that helped.  Right when we walked in there I started crying and I couldn't stop, I cried through the whole funeral and for a while after.  I was trying really hard to calm myself down because I was ugly crying, the kind that can get really loud.  Luckily, I don't think I was too loud throughout the funeral.

They did a great job on the funeral.  It was perfect for Chris.  The music was so good.  They played Vince Gill singing, "Go Rest High On That Mountain."  It was beautiful and so fitting.  Pam talked after that song, which could not have been easy.  She did a great job and I loved hearing her talk about Chris.  She mentioned me and how close Chris and I were and that we stayed close over the years.  It meant so much to me that she said that. 

I loved the picture they had up of Chris, you can see it on the right side of the picture.  All of Chris' nieces and nephews got up and said something about him or to him, it was so touching.  Chris loved his nieces and nephews and he was so proud of them.  It is amazing that while Chris battled addiction that he was able to stay so caring and concerned about other people.

They had a man play the piano and sing "Let it Be." It was beautiful. Chris' friend talked next.  I talked to him a little bit after the service and he told me that he and Chris met in Dallas ten years ago, they used to live in the same neighborhood.  Dawn talked last and did a great job.  I love that she had a picture of Chris up on the screen while she talked.  I loved a few things that Dawn said, "grief is just love with nowhere to go."  I liked that a lot.  JJ was telling her that he liked it to and said, "my sadness is all of this love that I would be giving to Jason if he were here." Dawn also said that when you lose a sibling, you lose a part of your history.   I definitely agree with that.  I feel that way losing Jen and I also feel that way losing Chris.  He is a huge part of my history and now that is gone.  We had so many good times and so many inside jokes and I can't talk to him about them anymore. When the service was over they played, "Spirit in the Sky" while the family walked out.  It was so perfect for Chris.  He loved music and he loved to dance! I listen to those three songs from the funeral a lot now.  There are some other songs that make me thing of Chris and now these three do as well.

We all walked outside when it was over.  I was still crying and having a hard time getting control of my emotions.  Ron and Diane both gave me a long hug and that helped a lot.  Ron was talking about how me and Chris loved to talk about people and grandma would say we shouldn't, but she really wanted to hear more.  Ha! 

After the funeral we went over to Deanna's house.  She has a beautiful, big house! They had valets and waiters. I think they just finished redoing the house after the hurricane two years ago.  It was great to visit with family.  Ward put together a slide show of pictures of Chris, I loved watching that.  I sent some pictures to Deanna so it was fun to see those in there. 

I was glad that I got some time to visit with Pam and Don.  Don laughed about how me and Chris didn't like anyone.  I was able to talk to Pam for a while and she told me about how hard things had been for Chris these past couple of years.  She felt like three things contributed to his death, his addiction, the pandemic and working from home and his toxic relationship with John.  Chris had texted me a while ago when he was having a hard time and I asked him who he could spend time with or talk to and he said his mom and told me how great she is and that he can tell her everything.  I'm glad I was able to tell Pam that.  He had called her a few days before he died and told her that himself, what a blessing for Pam.

Here are all of the Hawkins cousins.  It's so sad that we have lost three of the cousins now.  We stayed and visited until after 9 PM. It was nice to visit with everyone.  Matt and I went and got some food after we took Mel, Tiff and mom back to the hotel.  I never got a chance to get food at Deanna's so I was starving.  We had to get up at 3:30 AM to catch our flight.  Matt and I didn't fall asleep until after midnight.  Chris and I had talked about me coming to visit him in Dallas, I hate that I was there for his funeral instead of visiting him, but I'm grateful I was able to be there to honor Chris.  He will always be one of my favorite people!

Chris

I was devastated to hear that Chris passed away last Sunday. He has been such a big part of my life.  We had so much fun together when we were young and I was so happy when he came to Utah to go to college.  I'm so grateful that we have been texting a lot over the last couple of years.  He and I could always talk for hours and still have more to talk about. 

Christopher James Kidder

July 8, 1980 - October 3, 2021

Christopher James Kidder, the funniest, most quick-witted guy anyone could know has left the building!

He made his depature from this earth on Sunday, October 3, 2021, marking the end of a hard fought battle with addiction.  Chris was just 41 but those 41 years impacted his loved ones with a force.  Survived by his parents, Don and pam Kidder and his three sisters, Dawn (Robert), Deanna (Ward) and Lindsey (Mark), he has left his family with both full and broken hearts.  July 8th, 1980 was the day the Kidder family had been waiting for.....a baby boy had finally arrived! Christopher was a beautiful baby with the sweetest temperament who grew into the fun kid who loved to dance, swim and hang out with his sisters.  Chris was the center of his sisters' universe.  After high school, Chris attended the University of Utah, where he excelled in writing and worked with elderly and disabled individuals whom he deeply cared for.  he later went on to establish a career in HR at Neiman Marcus.  Wherever he went in life, Chris had the ability to draw people in.  People loved Chris! And he loved people back, especially all his nieces and nephews.  Shayne, Gaven, Rob, Clay, Molly, Noah, Blake, Jack, Jaime. Payton and Miles adored their uncle.  It is truly a blessing that he got to be a part of their lives and leave his mark.  They will carry his beautiful and sarcastic spirit with them forever. 

Oh and last but not least is Lola, Chris's beloved cat.  Chris loved Lola!

Please join us for a Memorial Service on Friday, October 15, 2021 at 4:00 PM

Chris and I were only a couple of weeks apart in age.  We were baptized together on July 8, 1988.  he came to Utah and we got to have a special baptism for just the two of us.

I loved going to Antioch every year and seeing all of my cousins, but I spent most if not all of my time with Chris.  We loved to sneak treats out of grandpa's garage and cookies out of the freezer.  I'll always think of Chris when I hear the songs, "The Cars That Go Boom" and "I'm too sexy."

This is one of my favorite pictures of us, I think we were about 15-years old.  We would both stay over at Ron and Diane's a lot too.  We would babysit the kids for them.  I remember one time we ordered pizza and they asked for our address and we didn't know, so Chris had to run down the street to look at the street sign.

Chris and I were quite the pair in our teenage years. We were both so negative and sarcastic, but we loved to crack jokes and laugh.

Chris made everything so fun.  He always had the funniest stories to tell and he could always make everyone laugh. I remember when he came out to Utah one summer and we went to Lagoon together.  I also remember going to the 49th Street Galleria with him.

Chris and I were in Jen's wedding together.  I remember leaving the reception and walking to Taco Time. Later that night we found out that Princess Diana died and that was the first time we had heard the word, Paparazzi, and we thought that was the funniest word ever.  We said, "the paparazzi" with an accent over and over.

I was so happy when Chris moved out here to go to college.  He went to UVSC (now UVU) in Orem.  I had my own car so I would down to see him every weekend.

Gary and Julie lived in Provo so I would come hang out with them and Chris.  Chris and I would always go out to eat and go to Johnny B's for the comedy or hypnotist show.

Chris was my date to everything before I met Keith.  He came with me to Kristin's graduation.

Kristin came down to Provo with me a lot and loved hanging out with Chris.  The three of us had so much fun together.

Chris went to Lake Tahoe with me for Esther's wedding.  I was so grateful that he came because I didn't ant to go alone.  We stopped in Las Vegas to visit his friend Kristy.

Here we are at Matt and Lori's wedding.

Chris and I hung out with Jessica and Lance and Natasha sometimes while he was in Orem. Chris made a lot of friends at school and I would hang out with them too.  His friends became my friends and my friends became his friends. 

Chris would come to all of the family dinners and birthday parties while he lived in Utah.  We all loved having him there.  He kept all of us laughing.

I love this picture of dad and Chris in their matching hats.

Here is Lori, Jen, Tiff, me, mom and Chris with sparklers on the 4th of July.

We had a water fight and you can tell by how wet Chris is that he really got into it.  They it looks like we had fun doing pop-its. 

Chris, Kyle and Matt.

Chris and I always had so much fun together at the family reunions. 

We always used to say that Chris was grandma's favorite and I was grandpa's favorite.  It might have been true because when we graduated High School at the same time grandma went to his and grandpa went to mine.

Pam and Don and Ron and Diane used to come up to Park City every summer.  Chris and I would go stay with Pam and Don.  One year I remember we slept in and when we got up there was no food in the condo.  We went shopping and then Pam and Don thought it would be fun to walk down town to get lunch.  Chris and I were starving and hot! We were always starving and hot, but this day it was extra bad.

I love this picture of us! I framed it and gave it to grandma and she had it in the den for a long time.  Chris and I loved spending time with grandma. 

After a couple of years at UVSC Chris moved up to the University of Utah, so we were even closer! We hung out most weekends. 

Here we are before Kristin's wedding.  He came over to my apartment a lot when Katie and I lived together.

Chris was still living in Utah when I met Keith.  I was glad that they got along well.  Chris caught the garter at our wedding.  He snatched it and then walked away and while he was walking away he twirled it on his finger.

We have a video of Margo trying to get this picture and Keith and Chris didn't know how to stand and then Chris put his arm on Keith, it was so funny.

Chris started using drugs again while he was going to the University of Utah.  I remember his friend Lindsey getting Pam's number from me because she was worried about him.  He went to Rehab in Salt Lake.  He left the rehab and went to a friends house and called me to come pick him up.  Keith and I went and picked him up and he stayed at our house for a night and then I took him back to rehab the next day.  I would visit him at rehab and eventually I picked him up and he stayed with us until Pam and Don could pick him up. I hated to see him struggle and I felt helpless.

After he left Utah and I started having kids it was harder to stay in touch.  I was so excited when he came to Utah for our family reunion and he got to meet my kids.  He was so good with kids and Caitlyn and Jonah loved him.

It was so fun to be reunited after not seeing each other for a couple of years.

We could always pick up right where we left off.

Here we are with JJ.

I love that Jonah is looking up at him.

The last time we saw each other was at grandma's funeral.  I was so happy to see him and so happy that he was doing so well.  I know the last couple of years have been hard for Chris.  We have stayed in touch through text and he talked to me about his struggles with addiction and depression.  I hate that he struggled so much and I hate that he is gone. It has been bittersweet looking through old pictures and reading through texts.  I'm so grateful for every picture and every memory.  Chris and I just got each other.  We didn't think the same way politically or spiritually or even agree on much, but none of that mattered, we just loved each other and knew that we were there for one another.  We both loved to be sarcastic and laugh and just have fun. I'm so grateful for Chris.  He is kind, funny, smart, thoughtful and he could always cheer me up.  I can't wait to see him again!