The terrible, no good, very bad day that turned into weeks

A couple of weeks ago I went to the gynecologist for a check up and to see if there was anything they could do about my constant cramps and very heavy bleeding.  Back when I was having kids Dr. Quinn told me I had a fibroid tumor so we assumed that had grown and was causing the problems. She sent me for an ultrasound to check things out.  Two days after the ultra sound the doctor called me and said that they had found a 11.5 cm ovarian cyst.  She said the average newborn head is 10 cm, so this was very big and would explain why I have so much pain and pressure all the time. They were concerned because the cyst appeared solid on the ultrasound and there was also blood flowing to it, both of those things can indicate cancer.  She said I needed to get an MRI to see if it was cancer.  This was a lot of information to process. It was a Thursday when I saw the doctor and I wanted to get the MRI scheduled as soon as possible.  My insurance requires a pre-approval for an MRI.  I spent the rest of the day Thursday and all day Friday on the phone with the doctors office, insurance company and the hospital trying to get that pre-approval and I got nowhere.  I'm not sure who was the bigger problem, the doctors office or the insurance. Nothing was resolved by Friday afternoon so I had to wait until Monday to start calling and pushing everyone to get moving again. 

I was talking to Lori before I went to the doctor on Thursday and she told me to let me know what I found out, so I texted her when I got out and told her what the doctor had told me.  Later that afternoon we got Crumble cookies delivered to our door.  That was so thoughtful of Lori and I appreciated it so much.  They were so good and it sure made me feel loved!

Before my doctors appointment I was using a knife to get the wax out of my warmer and I jabbed the knife right into my thumb.  It was bleeding a ton and was very painful.  I bandaged it up and it took a few days to heal and stop bleeding. Caitlyn was really worried about it and kept checking on it.  Jonah had a soccer game that afternoon and when he was subbed out one of his teammates noticed that he was bleeding from his head.  He didn't even know he was bleeding.  He said he probably hurt it when he went up for a header at the same time as someone on the other team and they bumped into each other.

They wrapped his head and I figured that he wouldn't play anymore.  I was debating on going home because it was freezing and I was sure they wouldn't put him back in.  Well, they did put him back in.  He played and did great.  I knew he wouldn't want me to go down to the bench, so I just had to wait until he got home to check it out.

When he got home we took the bandage off and there was a skin flap on the back of his head.  We wanted to have it looked at, so Keith ran him to instacare.  They put two staples in and told him to come back in a week to have them removed. His head was really sore, but it healed up nicely. 

I told my family what was going on and asked for prayers. Everyone was so nice and reached out and offered support.  Tiff took Hallee and Wyatt all day on Saturday. It was so nice to be able to just relax with Keith and not entertain the kids.  

The kids had a blast at the park and at Tiff's house.  I have a pretty constant pain/pressure in my stomach, but it's usually not bad enough to stop me, other times I have to put a heating pad on my stomach because there is so much pain and pressure.  I think it was more emotional than physical, but I laid around a lot that weekend.  It was hard not to constantly worry that I might have cancer.

I thought I just had to get through the weekend and I would get my MRI scheduled on Monday, but that didn't happen. I was constantly calling the doctors office and the insurance trying to get things moving along.  It was so frustrating.  On Wednesday morning I finally heard that the MRI was declined.  The insurance said that the doctors office didn't send over any information as to why it was needed.  At this point I was so frustrated and emotional that I couldn't take it anymore.  The appeals process was long and I wasn't willing to wait.  Apparently this is a common problem because there are a lot of imaging places that do MRI's a lot cheaper than hospitals.  I found a place that could get me in that Friday.  We decided to pay cash and keep pushing the appeal process and hope we could eventually get that money applied to our deductible.  Tiff and Mel offered to go with me and mom and dad offered to go with me and to help pay for it.  It meant so much to have everyone cared so much. Keith took the day off and took me to get the MRI.  

I was very nervous about the MRI, but I didn't focus on it too much because I was so relieved to finally be getting it after so many calls and days of frustration. They asked if I was claustrophobic and I said yes.  They said that I could be in one with open sides. When I got there on Friday they did not have one with open sides, but I just wanted to get it done.  You lay flat and go inside this small tube, I was trying to breath slowly and stay calm.  There was an opening at the top and I could look back and see outside so that helped a lot. The MRI took an hour and a half.  It was so hard to stay calm, but I did it.  I kept my eyes closed most of the time and just focused on my breathing.  There were loud beeps and noises the whole time.  It felt like there were heat lamps on me.  Being hot did not help with the claustrophobia.  They had to do an MRI with and without contrast so they pulled me out and put some dye in through an IV and then I had to go back in.  I was really nervous about going back in, but they told me that it would only be a few more minutes so I that helped me calm down. I was so relieved when it was over.  That was so hard and I hope I never have to do it again.  When it was over Keith turned the A/C on full blast in the car and we went and got lunch and a cold pop.  It was so nice to have Keith there with me!

I was hoping I would get results on Friday, but that didn't happen.  I checked my portal over and over again on Friday and all weekend, even though I knew I probably wouldn't get results over the weekend.  I was anxious over the weekend, but not terrible. I tried to just relax and enjoy the weekend.  We had a nice weekend.  We finally had some warm weather and we all enjoyed being in the back yard on Sunday.

The kids were all worried about me and anxious to find out the results.  Keith is really good about not worrying and said he wouldn't worry until there was something to worry about.  I wish I thought like that.  It's so nice to have Keith as a calm, optimistic presence in our home.  The kids were all extra nice to me, but they didn't say much.  Their worry and concern would come out at random times.  One night Wyatt said, "I'm worried that if you do have cancer it's going to be really bad because you have had cramps for a long time."  I was able to reassure him that there are lots of reasons why I have cramps, so that didn't necessarily mean that it had been there for a long time. 

I did not get my results Monday or Tuesday.  We called the MRI place and they said it didn't have a rush on it so it could take a few days.  It was so frustrating because before they told me I would have my results in 24-48 hours. Monday Caitlyn came home from work early.  She came in the house while I was getting dinner ready and she was sobbing.   Something frustrating happened at work and she said she just started crying and couldn't stop.  She said she really was just worried about me and it all came out that day.  They sent her home early.  Poor girl, she is a worrier like me.  Luckily a big Shein order came that day so we went through all of her new clothes to cheer her up and get her mind off things. 

My mind was all over the place while I was waiting for results.  I kept researching online and then I would panic and stop for a while.  They call ovarian cancer the silent killer because they don't screen for it and the symptoms are usually mistaken for other problems.  I was pretty sure I would be fine and even if it was cancer that I would be okay, I just was nervous about how hard the treatment would be. Sometimes my mind would wander and I would worry about how hard it would be on my kids if I did die.  It shifted my perspective though and made me so grateful for my family and the little things that bring me joy.  We were sitting in church and my kids were being way too loud, but they were laughing and having fun together so I just enjoyed the moment. 

They thought I was crazy for taking pictures in church, but I wanted to remember the moment. I was also thinking about how there aren't many more weeks of all six of us being together at church.  It's hard to think about Caitlyn moving out.

Wyatt came home from school and told me he was a thug. He was wearing the Ace necklace that he ordered off Shein and he drew tattoos on himself at school.  I told him that I would send him to the doctor's office to get results because they would be scared of him, Ha! Finally Wednesday morning the results showed up in my portal and it said, "most certainly benign."  I was so happy to read those words!  I have had nothing but problems trying to get an appointment scheduled to talk to a doctor about removing the cyst, but knowing that it isn't cancer has taken the stress level way down.  I got a call yesterday that they had a cancelation so I am going in for a surgery consultation today.  There were some other problems on the MRI, like endometriosis and blood in my fallopian tube, so I'm hoping they will do a hysterectomy and get rid of all of these problems once and for all. I'm so grateful that I don't have cancer and that I have such a loving, supportive family.  Pam called me and so did Diane and it was so nice to talk to them and know that they cared about me.