Nature Therapy

I had Thursday and Friday off work, unfortunately for a terrible reason. Charlie Kirk was shot and killed at UVU on Wednesday.  That morning everyone in the office was talking about him coming.  Charlie is a conservative political activist. He visits college campuses to engage liberals in dialogue.  Civil dialogue is a lost art in our country right now. They did it in the courtyard which is down the hall from our office.  It started at noon and at 11:30 I saw big crowds so I decided not to go.  About 12:20 PM Brie and I were working on a report together when we heard loud noises so we looked out the door and saw the hallway full of students running. Someone yelled, "there is a shooter."  Linus acted quickly and locked the door. I saw Addie running down the hall toward the office so I yelled for Linus to open the door for her.  Addie, Karrie and Mike went to watch and were up on the balcony.  Addie ran in the office and yelled, "Charlie Kirk got shot."  She was very distraught.  Linus ran and locked the back door as well and there were some students in the hall so he told them to come into our office.  They had been right up front and saw the whole thing.  They were very upset and said that Charlie was shot in the throat and he was bleeding really bad.  We all just sat there and didn't know what to say or do.  I texted people to tell them I was okay.  Karrie and Mike weren't back, but we got ahold of Karrie and found out she was okay and one of the accounts talked to Mike.  We all just stood there in shock not really knowing what to do. After 10-15 minutes we got word from UVU that they had a suspect in custody.  At that point the police wanted everyone out.  I quickly grabbed everything and put it in the safe and we all left.  It was a mad dash to get out of the parking lots so it was backed up and took a while to get home.  I came home and turned on the news.  I was in shock and didn't know what to do and didn't feel like doing anything. I had to take Wyatt to the orthodontist that afternoon and right when we were ready to leave for the appointment we found out Charlie Kirk was dead.  From everything I had heard and seen I figured he was, but it was still shocking and heartbreaking, that took away the numb and shock and I just needed to cry.  As soon as we got to the orthodontist we found out that the suspect had been released and they were still looking for the shooter. Hallee was on her way home from school and the thought of her walking home from the bus stop made me panic.  I felt better when I knew she was home and even better when we were all home safe.  It is so unnerving to have that happen not only so close to our home but where I work.  I walk by that courtyard every day.  I'm sick for his wife and kids, I can't even imagine that pain.

They closed the campus for the rest of the week.  Brie and I both needed to get out and talk so we took a walk in the canyon on Thursday.  We had a nice long walk and then we hung out in her back yard for a while.  It was good to talk to her about it.  We were both worried about Addie so we checked in on her. 

Karrie called me on Friday. She was pretty shaken up on Wednesday and said her kids came over and stayed with her because her husband was out of town.  She was so sweet to call and see how I was doing.  Thankfully they announced on Friday that they caught the shooter.  He is a 22-year-old boy from Southern Utah.  The whole thing is just heart breaking.  It's shocking that this happened in Orem Utah. 

On Saturday I was feeling restless and I have been wanting to go to Tibble Fork Reservoir.  Wyatt wanted to watch a Lacrosse game at Lehi High School, so we dropped him off and then went up to Tibble Fork.

We bribed Hallee with Cafe Rio to come with us. 

It was beautiful up there.  The leaves are starting to change. 

I'm glad I finally made it up there, it really is breath taking. 

We walked around for a bit and took some pictures. 

The world feels so heavy sometimes.  I feel like I'm always at my tipping point because I'm grieving and losing my mom and every little thing just puts me over the edge.  

This big thing really put me over the edge.  I'm grateful for my Faith.  I have been reading a lot about suffering lately as I keep trying to understand why my mom has to suffer so much.  I don't have the answers, but I do believe that God is good and He has a plan for us and He will work all things to the good of us who love Him.

I know that this life is not the end and our mortal minds can't understand everything right now.  We wouldn't need Faith if everything made sense.  

Dad told me he heard someone say, "faith that isn't tested can't be trusted" and that hit him hard.  I've been thinking a lot about that.  I want to be a person that Heavenly Father can count on to stay faithful no matter what.  I have days where it all seems so overwhelming, but every time I cry out in prayer I am comforted.  It doesn't take everything away, but it gives me the strength to carry on. 

I can't expect to become like my Savior without suffering.  He endured the most unjust suffering of us all.  Because of Him we can have the strength to carry on in hard times. 

Mom has taken another turn for the worse and it seems like this may be the end.  A hospice nurse told dad and Mel last night that "mom's body is transitioning to actively dying."  

Caitlyn and I rushed up to see mom today.  It definitely feels like something has shifted.  She is not responsive at all and her breathing has changed. She's looking off a lot and I hope she is seeing her family ready to welcome her home on the other side. It is going to be so hard to lose her, but I will be so happy for her when her suffering is over. 

Tiff, Paul and Damon were there too.  Damon has always been able to light up a room and bring happiness and peace where ever he goes.  I'm glad he was there! 

We are all so sad and yet we smile because we know who God is and we know He loves all of us with a perfect love.  And we know that we will be a family forever, what a blessing that knowledge is right now!