Mother's Day 2020

Mother's day started early for me this year.  Caitlyn wanted to buy me a treat so we went to Sonic and she bought me a drink and a shake.  She is such a sweet girl.  I always feel bad when the kids spend their money on me, but I know it is good for them and it means so much to me.

Hallee made me breakfast on Saturday.  She knew that breakfast was already planned for Sunday so she wanted to make me breakfast on Saturday.  She was so proud of the cinnamon and sugar toast that she made me.

Hallee drew me this picture of us for me.

Sunday morning Keith and Hallee brought me flowers and breakfast in bed.  French toast with caramel, whipped cream and strawberries.  It was so good!

After breakfast the kids all gave me a present.  Hallee gave me fake flowers an adorable note and $10!  She is so sweet.

Her note said, "Mom I want you to know that I love you so much and if I had to choose a mom I would definitely choose you! You made my wish come true, my wish was to have the best mom ever and you made it come true."

Wyatt wrote me a sweet note too.  He said, "Mom you are the best. You're super nice, you let me have Dr. Pepper* and you do a lot and I mean a lot of work, like laundry, bathrooms and my room. You are the best. *I do not know any mom that does that."

Wyatt gave me my favorite candy bar.

Jonah wrote me a very thoughtful note.  He said, "Dear mom, Happy Mothers day! I hope you've had a good one! I have really enjoyed you being my mom! I love how you're always trying to improve as a mother! We all love you, support you and couldn't be happier with you as our mom! Love you, Jonah."

His note meant so much to me.  I really have been trying to improve as a mom and it made me so happy to hear him point that out. 

Cailtyn wrote me a beautiful card too.  She is always so thoughtful and complimentary.

Her card says, "Happy Mothers Day! (to my best friend in the whole world!) My mom Allison. Wow, words can't even describe how thankful I am for you! I know our friendship is a little different because you have to take care of me. But, I wouldn't have it any other way.  You've been there for me for years! (And 9 months before that) (lol) you have loved me through the highs and lows.  You've helped me with my anxiety which is and always have been the hardest moment in my life. But you made it bearable! I love you and can not thank you enough."

Keith gave me some chocolate dipped strawberries and some of my favorite treats.  He always goes out of his way to make it a special day for me.

We all hung out in our bed that afternoon and watched a movie.  Later Caitlyn and Keith made dinner.  It was so nice to just relax all day.

I am so grateful for the blessing of being a mother.  Being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever loved. I remember the years of wanting a baby and miscarriage's and it was so painful, especially before we got Caitlyn.  I wanted to be a mom so bad.  Being a mom is so different than I expected, I had no idea the intense emotions that would take over when you have children.  I love them more than I ever thought I could, I worry about them more than I ever thought I would and they frustrate me more than I ever thought they would.  Being a mom to teenagers is a whole new ball game.  Caitlyn and Jonah are fabulous kids, but we still get frustrated with each other.  I've gone through a bit of a mid-life crisis since Hallee started first grade.  I was so exhausted from thirteen years of being a stay-at-home mom, especially because Keith worked weird hours and went to school for a lot of those years.  I was excited for some freedom and time to myself.  While I did love the free time I felt a little lost.  I was ready for my kids to grow up and I wasn't missing them being young, so I wasn't sure what I was feeling.  I think I finally figured out that I felt very fulfilled when they were young.  I loved taking care of my kids and it made me feel very accomplished and content.  I loved that they were so easily entertained and were happy just to spend time with me.  We did so many fun things when they were young.  We were always out on an adventure and meeting up with friends.  The kids were thrilled to go to the park or story time at the library.  Things are very different now, the kids like me to be home, but they don't necessarily want to spend time with me. Family activities are hard because the older kids usually aren't thrilled about it and it's hard to find things that everyone will enjoy.   I have also struggled to find my identity outside of being a mother.  I'm at a stage now where I can focus more on myself and I have a desire to learn and grow, but I didn't know where to start.  Shortly after Hallee started first grade Emilee recommended a podcast, "Light the Fight."  It is a parenting and mental health podcast and I loved it.  After that I found more podcasts that I loved, which also led me to a lot of self-help books and I ended up joining Jody Moore's life coaching program.  I have loved learning new things and developing myself in different ways.  I still wonder if I should be doing something more, something big, like go back to school, but I always decide I like studying what I want on my own.  I also started taking family names to the temple.  Kyle had a ton for me and I found a few on my own.  It took about a year and a half to get all of the work done that I had.  I did all of the work for over 60 women.  Caitlyn did some of the baptisms, but I did a lot of them too.  In October General Conference when Hallee was in first grade President Nelson asked the women to increase their temple attendance, take a break from social media and decide what media we wanted in our life.  That is the point that I started going to the temple one day a week, sometimes two and I stopped watching a lot of TV and started reading and listening to podcasts.  Now that I look back I can see what a great blessing that has been in my life.  I have developed as a woman and as a mother.  I have learned how noble and powerful womanhood is and that with that comes responsibility.  Following the guidance from the prophet was so important for me.  My mental health struggles have increased in the last couple of years.  My lows of depression are lower than they ever have been.  As I look back I can see that President Nelsons counsel was so important and prophetic in my life.  My time in the temple along with my increased gospel study and my time focusing on my development and learning about mental health have been my saving grace as I struggle with depression and anxiety.  Although my lows have been lower, I have also felt more joy in the good times.  When I was young I always thought that when you got older, life got easier and you had everything figured out.  I have learned that I know far less than I thought I did and life certainly does not get easier.  I am grateful for this learning and growing I have been able to do as a person and as a mother.  There is still so much to learn and improve on, but I have learned to take time to celebrate the improvements along the way.  Being a mother has helped me learn and grow in ways that I don't think I could in any other way.