Mourn with those who mourn

The last couple of weeks have been very heavy.  My cousin Josh lost his 4-year-old son to cancer.  I watched the funeral online and it was so touching and heartbreaking. Then Damon broke his wrist and I was worried about him and Tiff.  Next Katie went in for her regular pregnancy check up and found out that her little girl was no longer alive.  My heart immediately broke for her.  It got worse when her D&C had complications and she was in the hospital for a few days with very concerning problems.  My heart and mind felt heavy with all of these things happening to people I love.  It affected my sleep and my stomach.  I have learned a lot about the covenant I have made to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort.  I used to think it was my job to try and fix things and cheer people up and have some great insight that would give them hope and healing.  I have learned that those things are to make me feel better by feeling like I'm doing something and what people really need is for me to sit with them in their grief and not try and fix it.  I'm grateful for Christ's example of mourning with those who mourn because we can't fix things for other people, but we can cry with them, listen to them and let them know that it is okay to not be okay. Katie was able to come home from the hospital Sunday evening.  On Monday she asked if I could come sit with her because she was too weak to be alone and Ben needed to work.  I spent the day sitting next to her on the couch, getting her food, filling up her water bottle and helping her to the bathroom.  It didn't feel like I did much, but she said it was exactly what she needed.  I let her sit quietly when she wanted to and I listened when she wanted to talk.  It was hard not to try and cheer her up, but I knew that is not what she needed.  On Tuesday evening Tiff and I went to her house and sat with her again. Audrey came over too.  I think having her friends there to just sit with her and listen was what she needed and I'm grateful that we could do that for her.  Physically she is doing much better, but I think her emotional healing will be a long road.

My anxiety had been rising all week, but it hit an unbearable level on Wednesday.  Tiff texted me and asked if my kids could come over and play and that was a huge blessing.  I told her how I was feeling and she was so compassionate and willing to help.  The kids had a great time playing at her house all afternoon.  She even fed them dinner and then brought them home.

I was able to use that time to cry (I had been holding it in so the kids wouldn't worry about me, but it needed to come out) take a nap, take a bath and that all helped bring my anxiety level way down.

I'm so grateful that Tiff was willing to mourn with me and do what I needed in that moment.  My anxiety has been a lot better since then.